May is Mental Health Awareness Month, something that is very important to me. I started writing this article at the beginning of May and it is now several days into June. This article has been healing as well as hard to write. Topics of mental health are discussed. Reader discretion is advised.

… And That Brings Us To Today

Each of our mental health journeys wander up mountains and down valleys. There are bad mental health days, weeks, months and even years. Sometimes we’re just going uphill for awhile. Even now in my journey I have panic attacks and anxiety attacks that make me feel both empty inside as well as full of bitterness that I don’t recognize in the mirror. But every day I know myself a little better. I know a little better how to handle my anxiety and accept myself for who I am now and who I’m becoming. I won’t go into everything now, because there are many things I could talk about, but some of the things that have helped me on my journey include medication, therapy, meditation, prioritizing feeling my emotions, regular connection with my solid support people, accepting myself where I’m at, and steady exercise.

Therapy is one of the things that has helped me the most. There have been several times where I’ve felt like I know everything I need to about my mental illness and how to handle it. Then I have another layer pulled back in my next session or have a light bulb moment about how to improve an aspect of my life. Even though therapy is rarely easy, it is always valuable to me. One example of something specific in therapy that really helped was giving my anxiety a symbol.

Therapy – Anxiety Symbol

In one of my therapy sessions with one of my beloved therapists, she gave me some homework. She told me to give my anxiety a symbol. After a lot of thought I realized that my anxiety is a magnifying glass. When I’m holding it, it blows one single thing up until it’s all that I can see. Whether that one thing be an interaction I had, an aspect of my body, something I said during a fight, or something that is happening in the future, it zooms into that one aspect and I can’t see anything else. Giving my anxiety a symbol was super powerful. Now when I’m feeling anxious, I remember I’m holding the magnifying glass up to my eye. If I can let go and refocus on what’s around me the item my anxiety is focusing on gets smaller and smaller.

When I look at all of the progress I’ve made over the past several years, I am very proud of myself. I love learning things about me and slowly building and discovering the person I am underneath the anxiety. I’ve discovered I’m someone who loves throwing parties, connecting with my close group of people, staying cozy on my couch with my weighted blanket, and going on bike rides with my husband. I am more myself than I’ve ever been. I used to think that I was anxiety and that was all I was. I now know I have anxiety, but that is a small fact about me. Discovering these hobbies and passions of mine have helped me realized I am not my mental illness. I’m a reader, a writer, a plant lover, an animal lover, a lover of true crime, a quilter, a wife, a daughter, and a sister. I am all of these things all of the time. My mental illness is nothing for me to be ashamed of. It is no reason to cower in the corner. I have no reason to hide.

Finding myself was a large part of my healing journey, but so was my support system. I have an incredible mother who listens to and understands my journey, my wonderful friend/therapist/confidant/roommate who matches my energy in every way, my rock of a husband who is there no matter what, and so many others. My support system has ebbed and changed over the years, as support systems do. But finding the people in your life that you can trust and rely on is huge. Especially when the anxiety, depression or other mental illness is telling you that you either don’t have a support system, don’t need one, don’t deserve one, or whatever other horrendous lie it’s spinning today.

Every mental health journey is different. Not everyone thrives on medication and progress looks different for everyone. My journey has been and still is difficult, but for me, talking about it and sharing it with people helps me process and progress. If you need help and don’t know where to turn there are many resources that can help. I will list them below. Thanks for reading as always!

Resources

• SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
  • Call 1-800-662-4357
• Psychology Today – Great for finding a therapist near you!
• National Institute of Mental Health