At first glance, these three things are not all the same: meditation, mindfulness, and murder? One is not like the other.

I’ve been more susceptible to feeling anxious ever since I was a kid. I didn’t have a name for it though. Just the ones others gave me: worrywart, worrier, tense, nervous, shy, paranoid, cautious, afraid, the list goes on. Don’t forget the more subtle ones: well-behaved, respectful, responsible, and quiet.

When I went off to college, the nice doctor in the white coat gave it a name: Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This was both a relief and terrifying. I was so glad to finally give it a name that took the blame off of me and put it on the imbalance in my brain. But also, an Anxiety Disorder? What did that even mean? What was my next step? How was I supposed to treat this?

Long story short; Lexapro, therapy, more Lexapro, therapy, switch to Zoloft, more Zoloft, maximum Zoloft, and of course more therapy. (I’m a big fan of therapy.) But among all these changes was something that I didn’t expect: my love of true crime.

To some people, it may seem that it’s a counterintuitive move. But to me it just makes sense. What do people do if they’re more susceptible to a certain type of cancer? They research the heck out of that cancer and how to prevent it. People going on a trip to Wyoming in the middle of winter usually check the roads and bring blankets and supplies in case I-80 most likely, definitely closes. And what does a woman do when she’s naturally anxious and afraid of the world she lives in? She envelops herself in true crime.

This may not be the case for everyone. Each person has their own coping methods and true crime may be the farthest from helpful. But for me, true crime helps in several ways:

1. Increasing Knowledge: Through these true crime cases I can see what to watch for in my interactions with people and how to best navigate my life. This knowledge reduces my anxiety as I feel more prepared for my day-to-day.
2. Understanding the Range of Humanity: I can see the dark and cruel things humans are capable of as well as the beautiful and inspiring things that can come from such tragedy.
3. Finding Strength in Me: Learning about people affected by these crimes helps me to find strength in myself. They are people just living life and doing their best, despite their own personal demons. Sometimes it is because of these demons that they are able to fight tooth and nail in these impossible situations. And I know that I’ve fought and am fighting my own demons. It helps me to see my strength as I look at the mountains I’ve overcome.

This is why this blog was born. True crime helped me to grow into myself and writing is something that has always helped me understand myself. I brought these passions together to create this blog. It’s a great source of therapy for me and I hope that you can find comfort here too.